Motherhood vs Livelihood

Tiger is 4 months old today and thanks to help from Family Yip, I finally have time to sit down and contemplate about the past 4 months. Of course, it is also because Tiger is taking longer naps now.

I am still adjusting to the new role of parent and at many times doubt if I will ever be a good one. The first few months of motherhood had been a tough one for me, with all of my expectations of raising a baby shattered. I did not expect that my baby is a crybaby, with colic, and have difficulties sleeping. Again, I have watched too much TV. I was, at a point, really depressed and did not enjoy caring for Tiger or being a mother.

Fortunately, things have improved and are still getting better. A big credit goes to my loving husband who is always by my side whenever I need him. What's more, he is a hands-on father who takes his fair share of changing diapers (day and night), sleeptime rocking, and playing with Tiger. In fact, he is much better than me in stimulating Tiger through play. I am the practical mom who cares more about his milk intake, poop color, number of wet diapers, and clearing the dirt inside his nose and ears, than knowing how to play with him.

That was in Beijing where I did not have to worry about livelihood.

Now that we have moved to Singapore, although I am closer to family and friends and get alot of support from them, the subject of livelihood is constantly on my mind, and so does Olof. We have taken a big step, albeit a risky one, to move to Singapore with none of us having a job placement. This means zero income and living on our savings for an extended period of time. And with a new addition to our family, the pressure is even greater.

But with livelihood being uncertain has its advantages too - it pushes us to make it work. It demands that we mine for extra energy within us to work doubly hard to feed our mouths. Well, for one thing, it helps to take some stress away from motherhood, as I barely have time to dwell on the difficult side of it!

As Tiger grows by the day, it always cheers us up every morning by just watching him wake up with a smile and his bright eyes searching for our faces.